April Kong

他只愛和我獨處

我是貓

愛曬太陽愛睡懶覺

偶爾莫名其妙生氣

每次他出門都把大門鎖緊

我只好從窗戶爬到別人家

四處走走,

每一戶人家都留一會兒

他不在乎,

反正也只是一隻貓

我也不在乎,

反正就是一個人

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Dust

I once believed in what Buddhist says,

‘If there were nothing at the beginning, no dust would bother to stay’

Dust is usually referred as emotion, lust, basically all kinds of feelings and strings.

Ok, this saying is just not true because human being are born social being. It’s impossible to have nothing from the very beginning, every sentences jumped out from your mouth is an accumulation of ‘things’ that makes ur existence. We are born with things covered by dust. Even if we throw away all the ‘things’, it is still a place that can contain ‘things’, that said, there will be dust.

Imagine our mind as a house, there will always be dust, no matter how we change the arrangements of it. Dust doesn’t have to be sth to be cleared of, but sth we live with, sth that confirm our existence.

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羅馬 嫉妒與愛情

今天天氣很好 陽光灑在身上

藍天白雲 沒有高樓遮擋視野

不知道從哪裡傳來的音樂聲

我坐在石臺上,一時恍惚

我有心碎,但沒有愛人

若有愛人在身邊

在陽光下互相擁抱親吻、

縮進他懷裡,沈默,

等藍天變成橙紅色,

等到太陽消失、黑夜降臨

再和他一起徒步走回家做飯洗漱

很久沒試過那麼渴望愛情,

甚至連一直厭惡的嫉妒心和佔有慾都想擁有

至少在太陽下山前,我可以一直做夢

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Illness

Eyes closed, the world is then gone

The Bavarian man on the screen sniffed, reading his bipolar diary without emotion

It’s Cocaine, David told me

My boss read the English translation out loud

The man on the screen started smoking heavily

I want a smoke

All of his books are gone during his last depression

I lost my books I miss them too

The man sitting in front of me has eye problem

He couldn’t walk properly

Sitting here, listening to bipolar diary

Her husband is bipolar, my best friend told me,

Everyone in this room has mentally illness

We go outside for a smoke

People trying not to kill themselves

I’m here for my job, I’m here for my boss

They gave me a smoke

I open my eyes, the world is then gone

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1/3 /2021

2021.3. Mid-levels

抱著他睡著,夢裡又夢見他。他蹲在蘭桂坊路邊,口罩摘下來一半,一根煙夾在指間,看我。“Are there anything that’s unchanged in your life?” 他問,又問這樣難答的問題。我呆掉看著他,夢裡想哭,想哭因為沒有答案,想哭因為生命中一切都在變。不知道說什麼,我只好抽煙,抽沒有薄荷味的萬寶路,又和他一起蹲著。他室友忽然半夜回來,門鈴按響,夢裡的他忽然從我身邊走掉,站起身,揉揉腦袋,打開房門,跑到客廳去開門。幾句模糊的法文,他又回來抱我,把卷髮埋進我胸口,和我說話,我聽不懂。想繼續做夢,卻睡不著,只知道他一直吻我,轉個身又握緊我的手。想哭,真實的卻是留不住的,夢裡夢到他,明天卻又不會再見面了。

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April Kong

April Kong

Random writings about ppl and life in disorder 隨便寫,清不清醒都寫。